| (без темы) |
[Окт. 26, 2005|10:31 am] |
Gonna' be a copy cat right now.
Okay.
Just post a memory here about me.
Something you remember.
Just do it. |
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| September!? |
[Сент. 3, 2005|11:24 am] |
| [ | Настроение |
| |  melancholy | ] |
Where did summer go? |
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| Coffee |
[Авг. 26, 2005|09:45 pm] |
| [ | Настроение |
| |  awake | ] |
| [ | Музыка |
| | Law and Order - duhn duhn! | ] |
Got back from Ashi's house this afternoon, and I'm probably going over again tomorrow. HOPEFULLY. I haven't asked my mom yet.
I'm supposed to take the sugar gliders tomorrow. I should get everything set up before I go over.
Ashie and I had a lot of fun. We drove around. I made a LEFT coming out of Time To Eat diner. Oh man. Good thing it was so LATE or I would have been screwed as anything. I don't know what I was thinking.
Got to see Jeff. ^_^ That was nice. Feel kinda' guilty about the Leo thing, but Ash told me I shouldn't be. HE'S the one who screwed up, she said. I'm too good for that.
Went to the mall tonight with Jason because he's leaving for Pennsylvania tomorrow. I forgot how sweet he is. He bought me chocolate and we walked around the mall for a bit. I don't know. We couldn't think of anywhere else to go. Had a good time. He's gonna be two hours away, with no car because the freshmen don't get parking spaces. He was worried about what Jenn (his girlfriend) and him were gonna do about seeing each other.
And I have work tomorrow. Whee. |
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| Wow, Where Have I Been? |
[Авг. 22, 2005|08:37 pm] |
| [ | Настроение |
| |  cheerful | ] |
| [ | Музыка |
| | Sober - Tool | ] |
I just realised that I had completely forgotten about this journal. Considering that I have not only a PORTABLE journal, but a Xanga, I guess this one just became obsolete.
But for all of you who read this -- meaning KAIYA, lots of things have changed over the summer, in case you haven't already heard!
I broke up with Mike a few weeks ago. It wasn't working out. He liked other people. I liked other people. What's the point? And he was being really rude to my friends, which annoyed me after a while. We're probably better off. It's funny, reading back to old entries. How much I loved him and everything . . . I don't know where those feelings went. I feel guilty that it had to end this way, yah. But, I can't say that I really miss him.
I am, in fact, NOT moving out. At least not any time soon that I can see. My mom is pretty set on keeping me at home for at least another year. I can't blame her. She loves me and I'm probably her only sanity next to Ken and dad. She's working really hard on cleaning up the office so that I can have my own bedroom and a hang out room. She's hoping that giving me more space around the house will make me feel better. It sounded nice to me at first, but I really want to live with Ashie.
Oh, and that's the other thing. Ashie and I are BEST of friends again. Tight like sisters. I don't think I could be happier about that. The troubled times are gone. We're done screwing around with each others feelings. Where once we had trouble telling each other that we care, now we spend all night telling each other our deepest thoughts and feelings. I don't think I've EVER been more comfortable with her. She really is my sister.
And poor Erica is EXHAUSTED, so I'm going to go keep her company and maybe help her while she works. =P I just came here from TKD, because I promised I would. She had to work alone tonight! Poor girl. |
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| Monday, Never Again |
[Июн. 13, 2005|01:00 pm] |
| [ | Настроение |
| | ecstatic | ] |
| [ | Музыка |
| | None | ] |
I am SO HAPPY right now!
Okay.
Previous schedule for the week
Tuesday: Full day. Present debate in English.
Wednesday: Full day. Random, pointless crap happening.
Thursday: Full day. First exam, get to come in late.
Friday: Half day. Exams. But I'm exempt, so I don't have to come in at all.
Yes. That seems nice, doesn't it? But wait. Because of an announcement that just happened five seconds ago, this is all changed. THANK YOU HEAT WAVE. YOU MAKE ME A VERY HAPPY SWEATY PERSON.
Tuesday: HALF day. Present abbreviated debate in English.
Wednesday: HALF day. Probably get yearbook signed. Other pointless crap, but only for a half day.
Thursday: Full day, but damn. I don't have to be in school until 10 o'clock ANYWAY, so what do I care?
Friday: Half day. Exams. But I'm exempt. So I don't have to come in AT ALL.
Monday: Sleep in. Come in to take English exam.
Tuesday: Exams. I'm exempt.
Wednesday: Fuggin' graduation day. What a nuisance. I have to wake up early. Eat breakfast with my peers, and then proceed in doing the stupid, pointless Graduation practice thing. I can't hang out with anyone or play DDR with them on their last day. Then I have Graduation at 6pm, which will be a pain too. Just give me my diploma and I won't make you waste your time and energy. I don't even want the cap and gown. Just the diploma, dude.
Thursday: First official day of summer vacation.
I'M THRILLED. This is SO cool.
School is such a joke right now... There's pretty much nothing left. |
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| Last Friday |
[Июн. 10, 2005|01:03 pm] |
| [ | Настроение |
| |  pensive | ] |
| [ | Музыка |
| | None | ] |
This is the last friday I will ever spend in High School, unless something in the future draws me here.
It's so weird.
Four more full days of school.
One exam.
And I'm done. I say goodbye and will most likely never see some people ever again. Well, I guess I can't really complain about that one. There are some people I don't want to see again...
But this is it.
At the end of summer, I'll be living on my own. I guess I'm a little... nervous. There are a lot of things that I'll have to take care of and pay for. Little things that I take for granted might not be as readily available as they used to be. Like food. Hah.
***
Hey, Ashi. I just want to tell you something, even if you don't believe me or anything. Even though we haven't really talked all that much in a while, and we've both changed a lot, I still consider you my sister. I think I'll always think of you that way, unless you kill my sugar glider. Then I'll be really mad at you. But other than that... So, even if you are going away to Virginia or wherever you and Sara are going for college, just know that even if it's 10 years later, you can call me and it'll still be like old times.
Bah. You know me. I get all remniscient about stuff.
(hugs everyone) |
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| Realization |
[Май. 3, 2005|01:07 pm] |
| [ | Настроение |
| | bored | ] |
| [ | Музыка |
| | None | ] |
I think I've realised that someone I thought I knew and looked up to isn't really who I thought. Or maybe this person changed a long time ago and I'm just stupid. Or maybe it's that I'm growing up or something. I have no idea.
I'm a bit lonely though.
And I kind of am clueless as to what to do for fun anymore.
Hm.
Things are just weird.
End of story...
***
Speaking of story! I finally came up with an idea during Latin class today. It's gonna' be a historical fiction. And it is gonna' be about a Vestal Virgin. Although, she won't be a virgin for long, if you know what I mean. But I don't want to make it some love story, so I probably won't. But I want to play with that, because it makes a conflict!
Meyow.
I'm reading a book called Abarat. It's good. I like all the pictures. =p |
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| Excited and Crazy |
[Май. 2, 2005|12:54 pm] |
| [ | Настроение |
| | ecstatic | ] |
| [ | Музыка |
| | None | ] |
Well, yesterday was May 1st, and we all know what that means.
Okay, well, maybe only I know what that means. Mike too, but that goes without saying.
So, considering the circumstances, I'm in a pretty good mood. At least I think. Unless my mood decides to do one of those major 360s. I haaate those. And they are really pretty random. Gawd, being a teenager sucks...
Hm. I think I'm getting off-topic here.
Excited!
I am excited as anything!
This summer is probably going to be the best of my life. Mike and I are going hiking at Mt. Washingington. It'll be like a three day hike. I'm hoping Matt'll go too. We need his expertise, and I kind of don't feel like asking anyone else. I think it would be fun with just the three of us. And no, I'm not just asking so that we can go. I'm asking because you're supposedly my friend, Matt, and friends do things together.
My dad bought a season's pass to Six Flags for me. I was actually really surprised that he did. How much are those things? And I didn't even ask. I'll call it a fluke though, because I can't remember the last nice thing he's done for me. But anyway, that means that I'm going to Six Flags a lot this summer. With anyone else who wants to go! So long as I don't have to drive... o.o
Now, this may surprise you, but this next thing is only going to be the 2nd greatest thing to happen this summer. Mommy is taking me to Japan! I think the tour is 9 or 11 days, something like that. And she says, no matter the expenses, we're going! Oh man! I'm going to have so much fun! She's the best. Just last night we went walking around the neighborhood for an hour and just talked about everything. Japan. Money... Which brings up the MAIN EVENT of the summer!
I'm moving!
Not my mom.
Not my dad.
Not my brother.
ME.
I'M moving OUT!
Hopefully for good. But Shannon and I are going to get an apartment at the end of August. We've already started looking! We saw a nice apartment in Raritan, but it will probably be gone by the time we can get it. I kind of don't want to live in Hillsborough Gardens. And the one in South Boundbrook... Wow. It was way too small. Shannon and I agreed, though, that we would check it out after it's renovated. I just still don't think it's gonna' be good.
I'm just... SO excited! I've already talked about money. I know what I'm going to be doing. My mom has thought about it, and after she let the idea sink in, she's really all for it! Yes, she'll miss her baby daughter, but she thinks it'll be the best for me. And I'M SO EXCITED. I have these visions of the place. Mom's gonna' lend me cooking ware so that I can cook! And Shannon and I are both vegetarians. Okay, well, I TRY... But when Mommy makes chicken... (le sigh) But anyway.
I get these day dreams. And I just love the idea of being on my own so much. Even if Shannon and I have to share a bedroom, I don't care. I don't care if we have to really struggle! I want this so much. And with college... I don't know. I want that feeling of being independent. I want to be able to wake up and cook breakfast and eat and have it be QUIET. Or come home after class and have dinner and sit down and watch a movie with Shannon or something. Or have Mike sleep over. Not to do... y'know. But just so we can see each other when we wake up in the morning. And shower together. That's fun.
And I can buy what food I want to eat without anyone critisizing me for it. I can buy skim milk, maybe try chocolate soy milk (I hear its good). Boca burgers! Soy frozen dessert. I know it SOUNDS utterly ridiculous, but the food tastes good, and I can eat it without feeling guilty. Do you know how nice it is to eat a pint of something that tastes exactly like ice cream and then wake up the next morning without gaining so much as a pound? And you wanna know why? It's less calories and it's HEALTHY. It's all natural. And yummy. And I don't care what anyone else thinks. Because it's my body. And if I feel like eating food that is made from real stuff, I will. So you leave me alone Matthew Cattron and anyone else who is gonna make fun of me for that.
I won't have to ask to have people over.
I won't be paranoid about my dad's footsteps (they make me nervous for some reason).
I'll be able to read more.
Things will be clean and straightened. I like the idea of "starting over". I have to go through all my old crap and organize before I leave anyway.
(dances)
In four months, I'll be packing for Japan.
In five months, I'll be unpacking boxes.
Do you KNOW HOW GOOD THAT FEELS!?
This is BETTER than getting a car, better than learning to drive!
THIS IS BETTER THAN AN ORG--
Nnnnnnnnnnnnevermind. I lied there.
But it's still pretty damn good.
Five months. Five months and I'm free.
After seventeen years.
Wow.
...
Wow. |
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| Grrr To You All |
[Апр. 28, 2005|01:20 pm] |
| [ | Настроение |
| | crappy | ] |
| [ | Музыка |
| | None | ] |
Feeling a little crappy today.
Maybe my blood sugar is low.
Maybe I'm just PMSy.
But I know one thing for sure. I'm not really that happy. In fact, I'm kind of upset with a lot of people. I don't know. I feel like I have less friends than I originally thought I had. And I feel just a little worthless. Okay, a lot worthless. I really want to feel like my life means something. But what determines worth anyway? I'm not really good in the areas I believe matter. And I don't want just some mediocre life. I don't know. Maybe I just want someone to be proud of what I'm doing. No one ever is.
I feel like I've lost my voice. And whenever I finally calm down about it, it comes back, beyond my reach and taunts me.
Why is she so much better than me? She is everything I'm not. And I used to be a part of that, but now I'm not. Now I CAN'T be. It's impossible.
Writing matters so much to me. I want to be good at it. But I'm not just good enough.
I kind of just want to go and cry.
I really don't know who I am at all. I don't know what I'm doing. I want to get past all this and be happy, but I don't know how.
I'm jealous of so many people. I want to be like so many people. I really don't know how to be happy with myself. I really, really don't know how.
Gah. Now I feel sick. |
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| Supposedly This is Good |
[Апр. 19, 2005|01:08 pm] |
| [ | Настроение |
| | hot | ] |
| [ | Музыка |
| | None | ] |
You At A Glance:
Legal Name: Kristen Louise Taylor
Other Names/Nicknames: Bepa (pronounced Bepa), Bepa (pronounce Vera), Krissy, Kryssi, Kryssi-chan
Age: 17
Gender: (checks) Definitely female.
Physical appearance. What do you feel about...
Your hair (color, length and texture): Dirty blond hair, straight and down to my shoudlers, thin without much volume, silky and purty. I like my hair exept for the fact that it's not thicker and I like it wavy and touseled(?)
Your eyes (color, shape and position): My eyes are multicolored, not to mention they change depending on the sunlight. Green, blue, mostly. I really like them.
Your nose: "I have a nose!"
Your voice (speaking and singing): I wish I was a better singer. Sometimes I think I have the voice of a "girly" prep or something. But it's my voice, so what am I gonna do about it?
Your hands (shape, texture, nails): I'm good with my hands. I hate my thumbs. They remind me of carnie folk. I bite my nails. I'd like it if they weren't so ... breakable and frail.
Your feet (shape, texture, nails): I dunno'. They're feet. I'm a size 8 1/2. They look okay in shoes. Again, my big toe is ugly and reminds me of carnie folk.
Your height: Ashley used to make fun of my height. I don't really think I'm THAT short though. I'm 5'4 1/4"! So says the doctor.
Your weight: ... Do I really have to SAY anything about this? Everyone knows I think I'm fat.
Family. What do you feel about...
Your parents/guardians: My mom is a saint in my eyes. She can be really anal, and she's annoying when she's drinking, but I try to ignore all that. Especially when I look at my father, who I really hope isn't related to me. He's a drunk, a biased hypocritical &*%!. I can't respect him. I can't look up to him. He's a nuisance and I'm ashamed of him.
Your siblings: Hm. Ken is okay. I accept him as my brother, though I don't think I'll ever consider him my friend. He's too naive. Too like my dad for me to befriend him. But I guess I love him in some sense of the word. I'm sure I'll have a closer relationship with him when we're not living together.
Your spouse/fiance/significant other: I love my boyfriend. I really, really do. Nothing is perfect all the time. But I love how I can never stay mad at him. He always makes this face... and tries to make me laugh. It's the sweetest thing.
Your children: Dante is a necromancer, and I'm still sore at him for raping Chandler. Chandler seems to be okay. He doesn't seem to be scarred or traumatized or anything. Alana died when she was four... And Caylinn is a babe. She's growin' up and saving the Kismetcho race!
Your in-laws: Well, if you consider Mike's family my inlaws... I love his little cousins. They're the cutest. His parents? No comment.
The rest of your family: Let's see. I think Uncle Mike is a numbskull. Auntie Jo is an anorexic *&#%$. Melanie is a bubble brain. Nicole has more sense than all of them, but that still doesn't say much. Uncle Tom is a druggie and I barely know him even though he lives with my grandparents who I see several times a year. I love my grandparents. Poppop is strongwilled. Grandma is... a giver of sugar and candy. That's it. I have no more family.
Your senses. What do you feel about...
Your sight: I have contacts, which is better than glasses. I wish my vision was perfect, though.
Your hearing: I hear things sometimes.
Your sense of smell: Mmmm. Cookies. Aroma of cookies.
Your sense of touch: Things are soft. Things are hard. It's all good.
Your sense of taste: Things taste good. Unless it's HORRIBLE food. My taste buds really aren't that sensitive. Or maybe I'm not picky. Everything tastes yummy to me unless it's rotting or has no taste.
Your intuition: My gut is usually right, even though I never listen to it because of my low self esteem.
Religion. What do you feel about...
Unquestioning belief (in anything): Gah. You need to question to learn. I don't believe in following anything just becuase someone says it's right. You have to ask questions. It doesn't make you a damn heathen to ask questions. It only helps you to understand more.
Fate and free will: I don't really know. I could argue both ways.
Souls: They exist. I have a soul. You have a soul. And when you die, you can be reincarnated. Past lives is what makes fear. Deju. Strange memories, feelings, sensations...
One God/dess versus many: Goddess. She's everything.
Christianity: I have nothing against it as a whole. It's the people who bother me.
Judaism: I think I can relate to Judaism a bit more. Blame Mike.
Islam: I don't know much about their religion, but those extremists need to stop killing people.
Buddhism: Again, no killing!
Hinduism: Sure, why not.
Paganism: (giggle) Tha's me.
Love. What do you feel about...
Puppy love: I believe it. It's not necessarily about age, though. I think it's just... I dunno'. I can't explain it. I loved Justin. But the bond was different than how it is with Mike and me. I consider it puppy love. It's inexperienced and a little naive.
Obsession: It's okay as long as it doesn't turn scary. Like if you'd rather sit at home and play video games for another five hours instead of going to the movies with your friends who love you -- even after playing for several hours...
Unrequited crushes: Sucks. But, hey, it's life. You just hafta realise you're not the only one who pines for someone else and just move on with your life.
The last person you crushed on: Hn. I was lonely. Really lonely. And I wasn't able to have what I really wanted. There were actually a few guys... Not anymore!
The nature of true love: Love kind of confuses me. It's physical attraction to your best friend in the whole world.
Marriage: I plan to do it someday. Haven't really thought about it in a while. I've calmed down about it.
Society. What do you feel about...
Media: It's good if you're talking about that it brings news and tells us weather. I hate it, though, that pictures of gorgeous women are constantly shoved in my face. I feel so... inadequate.
The government (national and local): I'm unknowledgeable about this topic, because I frankly don't care. Nor do I like how politics are run.
Cities: They're nice to visit. I enjoy New York City. But I'd never live there.
Towns/Suburbs: Boring. Just boring.
Farms: Smelly.
List five screennames or usernames you use. Explain why you chose each.
1. lilithblackwood - a character from one of my stories I wrote in eighth grade. She was a "witch" and kind of saved the world, to be completely vague and inaccurate.
2. silverunbroken - describes me. I'm embarassed. I refuse to explain.
3. Cristynn - she is me. An incarnation of myself in the story Kismetcho. She has three children. A loving, sexeigh husband. And she's one of the most beautiful women in the world. The other is her half sister, Ashlee. No. I'm not being narcissistic. It's truth. They're the only daughters of Hyne (the "CEO" of Hala)
Okay... I've run out.
List at least five friends and write one adjective or phrase that does not describe each.
1. Mathus - outgoing
2. Zach - Hillsboronian
3. Shannon - quiet, lesbian
4. Erica - mean, uncaring, quiet, insensitive
5. Mike - quiet, modest, spiteful, not huggable
6. Kaiya - loud
7. Tom - unhelpful
8. Liz - mean
9. Kyle - serious
10. Michelle - tired, lazy
11. Vanessa - rude
12. Chrissy - normal
13. Clarissa - two-left feet
14. Arlene - white
15. Kim - ghetto
16. Rita - jock
17. Ange - insensitive |
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| Day of Silence |
[Апр. 13, 2005|01:18 pm] |
| [ | Настроение |
| | cheerful | ] |
| [ | Музыка |
| | None | ] |
I don't know.
But I think my patience has come back, thanks to the beautiful weather. I think warmth and summer just makes me a happier person in general.
So, I'm not mad at him anymore. Not for now anyway. Though, I assume it'll happen again in the future. I was just frustrated the other day. I was even mad at Ange, which says a lot. Though, I never seem to be able to stay mad at Mike anymore. Kind of nice. I hate being mad at him.
No one ever seems to want to do anything anymore. Maybe it's because I'm hanging out with the wrong people.
Erica and I went shopping on Sunday, even though I had a ton of homework to do. But I had to get out of the house. My parents were being more unbelievable than usual and for once, I couldn't stand that either. I watched dinosaur shows and slept most of the morning. And Mommy got drunk. Good for her. I seriously wish my dad would just have a heart attack and die already. You'd think, with all that crap he eats... And Ken doesn't understand at all. He blames mom. My poor mom. I don't know why I bother talking about this at all.
My feet are cold! AHH! I'm wearing a skirt. Bought it yesterday.
Prom is on Friday. I finally got a hair appointment. And Arlene said that everyone would be booked up already... Hah! Silly Arlene. Shannon's taking me shopping for make up tomorrow night... The question will be if I can apply the stuff. I plan to do my own nails too. Oh boy. THIS will be interesting.
Mike'll be so cute... And we're sharing a table with Matt and Kaiya, 'coz we don't fit with everyone else.
Brr. Why is the newspaper room always SO COLD.
Not talking is hard. I keep screwing up. Not with my friends. But I say "Excuse me" when I bump into someone... Stupid good manner habit. Blah.
BAI! |
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| Yay...? |
[Мар. 30, 2005|10:30 am] |
| [ | Настроение |
| | confused | ] |
| [ | Музыка |
| | None | ] |
Advanced Global Personality Test Results | Extraversion | |||||||||| | 36% | | Stability | |||||||||| | 40% | | Orderliness | |||||||||||||| | 56% | | Empathy | |||||||||||||| | 56% | | Interdependence | |||||||||||| | 50% | | Intellectual | |||||||||| | 36% | | Mystical | |||||||||| | 36% | | Artistic | |||||||||||||||||||| | 90% | | Religious | |||||||||||| | 50% | | Hedonism | |||| | 16% | | Materialism | |||||||||| | 36% | | Narcissism | |||||||||| | 36% | | Adventurousness | |||| | 16% | | Work ethic | |||||||||||| | 43% | | Self absorbed | |||||||||||||||| | 63% | | Conflict seeking | |||||| | 30% | | Need to dominate | |||||| | 23% | | | Romantic | |||||||||||||| | 56% | | Avoidant | |||||| | 23% | | Anti-authority | |||||||||||| | 50% | | Wealth | |||||||||||| | 43% | | Dependency | |||||||||||| | 43% | | Change averse | |||||||||||||||||||| | 83% | | Cautiousness | |||||||||| | 36% | | Individuality | |||||||||||||| | 56% | | Sexuality | |||||||||||||| | 56% | | Peter pan complex | |||||||||||| | 43% | | Physical security | |||||||||||||||| | 70% | | Food indulgent | |||||||||||| | 50% | | Histrionic | |||||||||||| | 43% | | Paranoia | |||||||||||||||| | 63% | | Vanity | |||||||||| | 36% | | Hypersensitivity | |||||||||||||||| | 63% | | Female cliche | |||||||||||| | 43% | |
| Take Free Advanced Global Personality Testpersonality tests by similarminds.com... What am I supposed to say to something like that? |
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| First Day of Spring |
[Мар. 21, 2005|01:05 pm] |
| [ | Настроение |
| |  tired | ] |
| [ | Музыка |
| | None | ] |
It's the first day of Spring and it's nearly 50 degrees out! How awesome is that? I'm going to the YMCA after school today with Mike. ;_; Then I have to wrok 5-9. That'll mean I worked three days in a row! Yuck.
Yeah. I had to work yesterday. 11:30 to 4:30. I really shouldn't complain, though, seeing as that I was paid DOUBLE for working on a Sunday. And it wasn't really that bad. I was just sad because it was such a crummy day out, and no one was able to keep me company at work.
Mike and I did hang out, though, when I got home. We fought with pipes, pretending they were swords. He choreographed a fight. It was pretty cool.
Then we went in my room and we were just, like, I don't even know. Tickling each other. He was trying to pick me up. Slobbering all over me... And we were laughing really hard. And my mom came upstairs and she sighed and said, "Dad wants you to cut it out. He hates it when ya guys have fun."
So I said, "We're not having sex, if that's what he's worried about."
"Nah," she said. "He just doesn't like it when other people are having fun and he's not."
And then she walked away. My mommy is funny.
I turned to Mike after she left and said, "Well, if I were him I would worry more if we were really quiet. If we were doing something bad, we wouldn't be loud about it."
And he started laughing.
Saturday was really awesome too. I worked. Shannon didn't come, which made me sad. But I guess it ended up okay, though, because I talked to Liz and Kyle, which I rarely ever do. Tom eventually came in early and kept me company too.
Afterwards, Mike and I went on a drive and the part that I really remember is the little trail we walked on. We just talked and walked. And it was just so nice.
Oh yeah. That was the day we went joyriding and got lost. Route 1. Route 18. Route 587. Or something like that. We were so far away it took us a while to get home and we had to call his parents to get directions.
It's funny. I was the one driving, but when it was time to go home we were both so stressed. So I let him drive. That calmed us both down. I hate being in control when, like... there's so much to worry about. And he would rather be the one driving. So, whatever. It worked out fine.
One last thing...
I realise I'm changing. And I think it's a good thing. Mike and I talked Friday night about things girlfriends usually don't want to talk about. I asked him if he was thinking about dating anyone when we were broken up and all that stuff. It was an interesting conversation. And although I put myself in a very awkward, kind of numbing situation for myself... I think it made our relationship even stronger because he realises he can be honest with me without me going haywire, even if I feel cranky inside. I can control myself. And a lot of things that used to bother me, don't bother me anymore. Random girls for instance. If anything I just get jealous because I want what they have, not because my boyfriend is looking. And just stuff like that.
I'm proud of myself.
Mmm. Diet Pepsi...
I had practically NO sleep last night. It was my own fault though. I was thirsty, so I drank a 1.5L bottle of diet Coke. And when I woke up, my throat dry, I would drink more. So this headache, this sleepiness = my own fault.
It's okay. I can eat leftover Chinese food later. I don't think there's much left, though, so maybe I'll order a little more to eat before work. Mmm.
First YMCA. I plan to run. I'm trying to gain a little muscle. I want to look nice this summer. That, and it'll help me in TKD.
See ya later! |
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| The Turtle and the Rabbit |
[Мар. 15, 2005|01:09 pm] |
| [ | Настроение |
| |  indifferent | ] |
| [ | Музыка |
| | It's My Life - No Doubt | ] |
Blah. I am cold. My rings keep sliding off my fingers. And there is a hive/welt on my belly.
Thankfully I don't have to work today, though I don't think I'd actually mind if I did. But I am going to Tae Kwon Do. FINALLY. I feel like I haven't exercised in years. I'm so... blubbery.
And I think Mike's hanging over.
Supposedly. Unless he changes his mind. Which happens sometimes. Yesterday I'm glad we didn't though. I wanted to veg out and just do nothing. So I did. Then I went to work and made up a story because I was exhausted.
And this is how it goes:
Once upon a time, there was a turtle. He was a very old turtle. And being very old (and a turtle) he also moved very slowly.
Now, one day a rabbit came to town and he heard about this very slow turtle. Knowing that he was so much faster than the turtle, he challenged the old turtle to a race.
Being a turtle, and very old, he responded, "Ooookayyy."
The day of the race came and there was a big festival. With lots of beer.
The rabbit had a very good time and drank a lot before the race started.
And then the race started and the rabbit had a head start, because the turtle was a very old turtle.
After maybe thirty minutes, the rabbit passed out in drunkeness underneath the tree, because he's a rabbit. Rabbits don't hold alcohol well. Everyone knows that.
When he woke, it was dusk. He was very worried. He looked around for any sign of the turtle, but was sure that he had already made it to the finish line.
In a mad dash, the rabbit ran to the finish line and through the ribbon. He had won! But where was the turtle?
Morale of the story:
No matter how drunk you are, you will always beat that turtle. |
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| No Title Could Give This Post Justice |
[Мар. 13, 2005|08:11 pm] |
| [ | Настроение |
| |  accomplished | ] |
| [ | Музыка |
| | Down Under - Men At Work | ] |
This weekend was pretty crazy. I can barely remember school on Friday. So much has happened between then and now... I guess the best I can do is start with Friday after school.
Friday afternoon
I drove Matt home... drove Erica to work... I came home and watched some television and had a snack. But I stopped myself from eating too much because I was going to ask Mike if he wanted to go out to dinner. When I finally called and talked to him, he agreed but he wanted to go out around 5pm. Which was cool, because I like having time for myself!
But he called early and said, "Hey, my parents went to Pennsylvania to visit some friends..." I practically JUMPED in my car to drive over there. Then lots of things happened that no one wants to hear about. Hehehe. (more nervous laughing)
Then we went to Wendy's! And... Did anything happen after that? I really don't remember. But I ate a cheeseburger, fries and had a Frostee. I was so happy. I can't remember the last time I ate crap. It was refreshing in a strange way. That and Wendy's tastes more like real food than any other fast food restaurant.
Oh yeah! I remember what happened after that! We were going to go to the Racquetball Club and play volleyball. But, unfortunately, when we got there, we found out that they couldn't do volleyball and refused to allow us to set up a net. Joey's mom had already dropped off a bunch of the boys and left. So, we were kind of like, "Ahhh, so what now?" Mike ended up putting SEVEN PEOPLE in his car. Joey and I had to sit up front, because we were the smallest. While four boys squeezed in the back seat. The car had such lag because of the weight.
Mike drove us to the YMCA. I exercised a bit, but I think we did more talking. Have of us snuck by the front without paying. Kind of funny. I'm a member, though, so it's not like I even had to pay. We played basketball until that got boring. Then we went into the weight room. I don't remember who it was, but he kept following me around. It was kind of weird. I got up to get a drink of water. He stopped exercising and followed me. I think he thought I was going to the gym. He turned into the gym after I passed it, to go to the water fountain. In my mind, I was like, "Don't be following me. Don't be following me." Just as I stopped drinking, there he came around the corner.
After talking in the weight room for a while, Joey called his dad to pick him up. Mike, Joey, ohmygodidon'trememberhisname, and I went to Joey's house and played Poker after that. Everyone else went home. We each put in five bucks. The other kid didn't want to play at first, but Mike and I talked him into it. I said, "Believe me, there less of a chance for you to lose money if I'm playing." And he was actually doing A LOT better than I was for a while. Until he tightened his hoodie to the point where he could only see out of it with one eye. That was hilarious. He had to hold his cards really close to his face. SHUMAN! That's what they kept calling him! Sorry, can't spell it. But that's how it was pronounced. Anyway. It was really funny. It would be his turn and everyone would say, "Shuman, put in five." And he would be fuddling with the chips. It took him so long just to DO SOMETHING. I was cracking up.
Mike was supposed to drive both of us home, and we left at 11 o'clock. It's a good thing too, because it was sleeting out. Even though Shuman only lived maybe five minutes driving distance from Joey's house, Mike drove me home first. He didn't want to fall asleep if he was in the car alone.
Saturday
Well, of course I woke up at around eight o'clock so that I could be at the library by nine. At work I talked to Shannon and heard about her steamy encounter with Anthony. And her date with Kyle and how he told her he loved her - and she expressed the same feelings. Y'know, at this point I kinda' want to smack her for leading all these guys on. It's really not nice. I mean, I guess it wouldn't be so bad if they, ah, KNEW about each other. Or they weren't in love with her. I don't know about Anthony, but I know Kyle loves her. And Ken is falling in love with her. It's not right... ^_^; however, I'm not here to preach.
Right after work, Shannon and I drove to the Bridgewater Mall. Her exam was cancelled, so she was able to go with me after all. We shopped at Hot Topic for an hour or so. I bought a new backpack. I also bought some clothes. The ride back home was really the fun part. Call us lame, but we were BLASTING Beach Boys. Oh man, it felt like summer. We were dancing around, doing the Wave and the Swim. We were so dumb. This one car in front of us heard the music and he started dancing too. It was SO FUNNY. From his back window, we saw him waving his hands and dancing too. Making old men dance is funny. And he gave us a thumbs up when he turned onto a different street.
Hmm. What happened after that... Ah yes! I called Mike, 'coz we were thinking about going to the YMCA. Mike said that he was EXTREMELY bored and we opted to go to the Bridgewater Sports Arena. I called up Matt to invite him to go, but unfortunately, he wasn't home. He was working with his dad. I called up Ange too, who COULD go. So that was cool. I put on a pret~ty skirt, one that I had just bought from Hot Topic. And a purty top too. So I was sexeigh.
Mike picked us both up. At Ange's house, he said he wanted to invite Randy to go with us. He was on the way, so whatever. I haven't seen Randy in FOREVER. the last time I saw him, he spilled soda all over me. -.- He has the tendency to do that. Blah.
After that, we drove up to the Bridgewater Sports Arena. I IMMEDIATELY rushed to my all-time favorite shooting game. Jurassic Park, or whatever it's called. Ohh, I love that game. But anyway. As soon as I got there. I started shooting and I hear, "Hey! Hey! Girl shooting dinosaurs!" I thought it was someone mean just buggin' me. But it was Tori! I should have known. We all talked to her for a li'l while. She ended up giving us the rest of her coins because she wanted to go home. We played DDR. Some more DDR. I played the Police Trainer game with Ange.
When we were done goofing around, we decided to go to the new Fuji Restaurant. I got my chicken and shrimp. Ange had his meal made in the back room, because he's allergic to shirmp. I told him my mom is violently allergic too, but she's usually okay with hibachi. They clean the surface really well. But he preferred to be safe than sorry. That's okay. Matt called in the middle of the meal. I felt bad that he hadn't been able to come. I guess he tried calling my cell, but I didn't hear it. I talked to him for a bit, because I was nearly done with my meal and so stuffed... But then he said he'd go and let me eat. ;_; I felt bad.
When the meal was over, Mike drove everyone home and aimlessly drove around my development. I was upset at him because during dinner, the guys were talking about the Junior Prom and Mike hasn't asked me yet. And I was annoyed that he hadn't yet. I almost felt like he didn't want to as insurance in case we broke up again or something like that. And that made me nervous.
Mike drove into the parking lot near the library and the park. He leaned over and kissed me and asked me if I'd go to the Junior Prom with him. I was so happy! That was about 10:30pm.
I didn't get home until after 11pm. And I don't live far from the library.
Today (aka Sunday)
No school.
No work.
I got out of bed at 9:30am.
I went to Shoprite with my mom. Helped her buy food. I got a fruit salad for myself to eat for breakfast. It was yummy. I talked to Mike and he said he talked to Ashley and had her address. We were supposed to go the YMCA today, but he didn't feel like it. And all of that good stuff. I didn't really feel like it either, come to think of it. So I didn't care.
He picked me up around noon and we must have driven around for TWO HOURS trying to find her house. They gave us really lousy directions. Well, Ash assumed we were coming from the opposite direction, so I guess they weren't that lousy. The point is that we met her at Dominos. I like her hair a lot. She straightened it and dyed it black. Pretty.
We went to the mall and ate lunch.
After that, we went back to her house and watched some movie. By that point, though, it was getting late. Mike kept dozing off, and I knew I had homework to do. It was kind of nice to see her mom, I guess. Aidan hasn't changed a bit. I don't know. Her mom isn't the greatest. But... I used to see her all the time. Even if I don't see her as a role model or anything, I used to call her Mom. (shrugs)
Mike drove me home. Gave me a kiss goodnight. And here I am!
So yeah. Now I am done and this excessively long post is over and done with. Lah! |
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| Cold Enough For Penguins |
[Мар. 10, 2005|01:05 pm] |
| [ | Настроение |
| |  sleepy | ] |
| [ | Музыка |
| | None | ] |
This is the first actual full day of school I've had in over a week. Hm. Two weeks? Yeah. Two weeks. So today was kind of a drag, having to wake up at 6am and drag myself through Latin, the test in Statistics... (le sigh) Yeah.
So, let's see... What happened last night...?
Well, I stayed after for Dungeons and Dragons. I drove my brother home at 4:30, came back and drove Mike home. We were thinking about hanging out, but I was exhausted and hungry and didn't really feel like it. Thankfully, he didn't want to either, so I didn't feel bad.
I got back to the house. I was about to plop dead on the couch. (I don't really know why I was so tired. I woke up at 8 because of the delayed opening). And my brother asks me, "Kris, can you drive me to the corner store?"
Note: My dad's away on a business trip and my mom works until 10 or later on Wednesday nights.
I asked him, "Why?"
"To buy dinner. I want a sandwich."
"Can't you walk there?"
"Well... it's cold out."
(is silent and thinks for a long while)
"No. I'm not gonna' drive you."
So he made oatmeal for himself. Which is FINE. I dun see the problem with our food at home.
An hour later, I went to Tae Kwon Do. Kicked butt. Lah. Came home. I was VERY VERY tired at this point. I laid down on the couch, and I wasn't sure if I was ever gonna get up.
I was nearly half asleep when the phone rang. I know my brother never answers the phone, so I reluctantly got up to get it. It was my brother on the other line and he wanted to know if I could pick him up from the YMCA.
Okay. So it's too cold to get dinner for yourself, but you're going to walk to the YMCA? Sheesh. Of course I wasn't going to say "No", becuase it WAS dark out. And it WAS cold out. So I picked up up, and the whole ride I was praising my mother in my head for being able to deal with this inconsiderate-ness constantly. She is a damn saint.
My brother does that all the time. Doesn't consult anyone, goes out and then needs someone to pick him up like it's no big deal. I guess if it was the afternoon and I wasn't tired it wouldn't have been a big deal. It would have just been another thing. But it was 9:30. I was tired.
Bleh.
And then comes today.
Again. More tiredness. I took my Statistics test, failed it miserably. And during lunch I decided to go to the guidance office. I dropped Statistics and during second period, I am now a "guidance aid". I really didn't want my failing Statistics grade to influence my GPA. My GPA is beautiful this year. It's just so purty. Without Statistics, I think it might be a 3.4 or 3.5 or something like that.
And now it's all better. Second period I'll be helping out Mrs. Pinksy if she needs the help. Otherwise, I could do homework, read or write. Or hell, teach myself psychology or biology or something. I dunno'. The world is my oyster. Hm.
My fingers are cold... This room is made for penguins.
In other news, my laptop computer is still moody. And I wish I could check my myspace.com account. This nice kid messaged me and I messaged him back a few times. But I can't check it from this computer because it's blocked off. Stupid school computers. (grumble) So my laptop needs to get better soon! Mike said he's gonna fix it... This weekend. So... hopefully, I'll have it before Monday.
Neh. Nothing more to say. No more babbling. Bai. |
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| Ack, Trapped |
[Мар. 9, 2005|01:40 pm] |
| [ | Настроение |
| |  energetic | ] |
| [ | Музыка |
| | None | ] |
Oh man. Yesterday was frustrating and great at the same time.
I woke up, and was not thrilled about having to go to school. I didn't want to go to Statistics, mainly. But when I got to homeroom, I heard from someone in another Latin class that our trip the the Metropolitan Museum was that day! I was thrilled. There was something stopping me from having a regular day already! It was nice.
So, I road on the bus next to Ange. I got the window seat! Ange is so nice. ^_^ Matt sat nearby. We watched Shrek. Blah blah blah.
We were split into groups of ten and were led around by some tour guide for an hour. I was in a group with Kyoko and Katie. Katie kept making fun of the tour guide behind her back. It was kind of frustrating, because I thought the lady was kind of nice. But after a while, I realised that I don't think she knew what she was talking about. I know a lot of that information she told us. So bleh.
Then there was lunch. I ate a salad. An apple. An orange. Oh, and a diet Coke. It was yummy. I was very full by the end of it.
Ange, Matt, Katie, Kyoko, Lisa and I set out with a map to see lots of things. In the armory section, Ange and Matt ran away. Lisa decided she was gonna' wander around by herself, so that left me, Kyoko and Katie. Oh, what fun. Oh well. I wasn't gonna' complain. We walked around and I saw ancient Chinese armor stuffs. On one of the helmets there was a golden cresent moon. But at first glance, I could have sworn it was a lemon. I pointed that out to Katie and she started laughing.
I was proud.
So we wandered around in search of Matt and Ange. We did not find them for a while. In fact, we couldn't find much of anything. The entire time we were making fun of them for getting lost, but I think it was really us. Hahah...
We wanted to see the pictures. Never saw them.
Also the dressed and we saw that last because Matt asked for directions. (Umm, this was after we met up with them again) As it turns out, Matt is actually good at finding himself around places. I thought he wouldn't be. Sorry, man. At least now I have more faith in you!
Ummm... (thinks)
Ah yes. Then when we got back on the bus, it was snowing. Oo. Ahh. Snow in the city. How beautiful. How romantic.
How &%$@ing ridiculous! The ride to New York was maybe an hour and a half. The drive back was TWO HOURS LONGER THAN THAT. I didn't get back to the school until 5pm. It was horrible. I hate sitting down for too long. It makes me angry.
When we got back to the school, I was so, so not in a good mood. The school was locked and I had to get my backpack so I could study for the Statistics test I had today, but didn't. I was mad because I had to study and couldn't go to TKD. I was mad because I was tired and sick of being anywhere but home. I ignored my mom calling my cell phone because I didn't feel like talking to her.
There was snow all over my car and it was windy and I was desperately suffering from low blood sugar, so I was extremely moody. I brushed most of the snow off my car, but I still couldn't see out the back window. I sat in my car, turned the heat on and cried for a little while. I cursed the weather. Cursed my mom. And decided not to get gas.
I came home and died. I didn't go to Tae Kwon Do. I ate a ton of food because I was really really really really really really REALLY hungry.
And yeah. Now I'm in newspaper. Lah. |
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| Hot and Steamy Weekend |
[Мар. 7, 2005|07:31 am] |
| [ | Настроение |
| | content | ] |
| [ | Музыка |
| | the heater | ] |
It's so early! I don't actually have to be in school for another three hours, really. Thank you math section of the HSPAs! I'm just glad I'm a senior this year, and I did well on them last year so I don't even have to think about taking them again. (leans back in chair) Ahhh. Too bad I have projects I need to work on. (grumble, grumble) Stupid Statistics.
Not much actually HAPPENED this weekend.
Unless I were to discuss Friday.
(drools)
What a GOOD DAY that was. I would repeat that day if I could. The afternoon, anyway. Who wants to go back to icky school? Yich. I don't really know if I'm supposed to say anything about what happened Friday or if it's some kind of secret.
Hell. I'll talk anyway. I can't keep my mouth shut, I'm so happy!
Mike and I agreed that we'd go over and see if Ash wanted to hang out after school. So we braved 206, dodged on-coming cars, and killed dragons to get there. She wasn't there. We were sad. Um, then Mike drove us to Manville and he cashed his check. It look like 30 bloody minutes because he had to fill out something 'coz it was the first time he was getting it cashed there. Luckily, they weren't really that bitchy to him, like they were to Ashley, and he collected his money.
I was cold.
He drove us back to his house. His parents weren't home, so I was allowed inside. He had to go upstairs and take care of some things so I sat on the couch in the "library".
I as sad. I was cold. I was not happy at all. I wanted to cry. I just remembered how whenever I was upset, I would sit on that couch and would come down stairs, notice and just huggle me and make it all better and tell me how good everything will be.
He came downstairs. Sat on my legs (I was laying down) and asked me what was wrong.
I didn't really come out and say everything at first, because I felt like an idiot. I didn't want to pressure him in doing anything. But I should know already that I can't do that to him, even if I tried. He's stubborn as anything.
But anyway... I told him how this is all just really hard for me. That I love being his best friend, but I need more than that from him. I asked him if he loved me. And he said that a part of him does, but it's probably not a part I want. He said it wasn't fair to me. So, I pointed out that if he loves me as a best friend and he loves me sexually, doesn't that... like MAKE a relationship? I mean... yeah. So he kind of thought about that. Let it sink in. And he said that he didn't want to go back to seeing me like we used to. He liked the arrangement now. Hah. I laughed at him and told him that we wouldn't go back to things like that. I don't think I could.
And he kissed me. Oh my god it felt so good. I started crying. In fact, I'm tearing now just thinking about it. I was just so damn happy. Over these three weeks, I thought it was over. Finished. I was trying to fill that void by looking for someone new. I lost seven pounds the first week we were broken up because I wasn't hungry at all. I gained it all back though. Bleh. But still. But I was SO HAPPY. Jeeze, I still am.
He pulled me on his lap and huggled me for a long time. Hehe. I felt like such a girl.
"Are you crying because you're happy?"
"(sniffle, sob) Yeeaah..."
I feel bad for you guys. You must be clueless half the time. I'm a girl and I can't figure it out. I've never cried because I was happy before. It's the weirdest thing. I think it's because if you're really really sad and you go to being happy... You just cry. Like, in movies if you think someone is dead or severely hurt and you're worried about them, but then you see them, you cry because you're so happy they're okay.
At one point he said, "I don't know why you'd want to be with me."
So I pulled an Anthony and said, "I'm with MICHAEL BRANDT! MICHAEL BRANDT! I don't believe it!" And he started laughing and said I was cute. ^_^
I liked how he couldn't shut up about how beautiful I was. Really guys, we love hearing that stuff. It makes us feel good.
Then we went upstairs and... yeah. Kay!
And then after that, he showed me World of Warcraft. I watched him play for about an hour. That game is really cool. I love the graphics. It has AWESOME graphics for being an online game. I'll have to get it...
(le sigh)
I was supposed to hang out with Ashley this weekend, but a lot of bad stuff happened to her that seems to be out of my control. Ashi, I talked to my mommy and she said she'd talk to my dad. Really, if you need anything, I'm always there for ya babe. (hugs)
I played Monopoly Saturday night. I think I mentioned that though... Yesterday I did... absolutely nothing. Which is always fun. Mommy and I went looking for sugar gliders. We found a store, but they are waiting for the sugar gliders to be old enough to sell. So, we'll call in another week to see if they are in yet. I decided I'm going to get a girl and call her Boudica, after the Celtic Chieftain who attempted to overthrow the Romans and all that... So that she can have an intelligent name that a lot of people dunno' and so I can call her "My Boo" for short. Heheh. I so clevah.
And that brings us to today.
(sigh) I'm so happy. Even though things are rocky with Ashley, I just have the feeling everything is gonna' be okay.
For once, I actually want to be here. If you know what I mean. |
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| I Eat'chu |
[Мар. 6, 2005|09:34 pm] |
| [ | Настроение |
| | bouncy | ] |
| [ | Музыка |
| | None | ] |
|
|
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| Dunno'! |
[Мар. 4, 2005|12:55 pm] |
| [ | Настроение |
| | cheerful | ] |
| [ | Музыка |
| | None | ] |
I'm feeling a little better. Prolly because Arlene went down with me to the Commons and I bought a diet Pepsi. I don't mind the taste. I just want the caffeine! I also won another song. Now if only my laptop would let me go to iTunes.com, I would be set for life. That's three free songs I have now! Well, I had to pay for a soda to get them, but it's only a $1.25. They OWE me a song.
Today feels more like a regular day, which means I'll actually have time to write an entry. Yesterday I only have twenty minutes, which is why I zipped off mid-thought process.
Well, I talked to Shannon yesterday. Supposedly she's seeing Ken "Navy Guy" AND Anthony today! I told her she's a slut. Haha. And supposedly Kyle thinks he's going to marry her one day. That's why he doesn't really want to date her now. 'Coz that would be it for him. That's exactly what he said to her too! Man. Imagine.
Eh. One small thing of interest happened to me yesterday at work. The guy from Poker night, Vito, wanted my screen name. Even though I've been all excited, I'm reading too much into it. But I just want to embellish because it makes myself feel good! I mean, he's not ready for a relationship, but so what? Neither am I. I barely know him! He's just nice and I want to meet someone new. I hear he plays the guitar, which is cool. 'Sides. He gave me money - in chip form, but still!
By the way, it's nice to know that you read this Ash! I was beginning to think no one did.
I think I'm babbling on about nothing because I have nothing to say. My fingers are cooooold. Brr.
Mike, Ashi and I are supposed to be hanging out today. I dunno' if Ashi will though. It's awesome that she has a new job! I wish I could read her livejournal entry and find out what it was. If she's not working today, I can ask her! (spins)
Okay, well, since I have nothing else to say I guess I'll just leave now... Yeahh. BAI! |
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silverunbroken